Goyim act more "Jewish" than we do

If you haven't been following me on twitter, you shouldn't start now.

If you must, though, I'm @frumcurious.

I haven't had anything to say as of late due to my being immersed in books and learning and the like. Don't hate, I gotta gets me an education. An M.R.S. degree sounds nice right about now. I think, deep down, every person wants to be a stay at home mom/dad - work sucks.

I digress.



So on twitter a few weeks back I posted a tweet that I got a job at a well known gaming store; duh, it's gamestop. I absolutely LOVE IT. I get to hang out, talk about video games for absolute shit pay, and my co-workers are all funny, delightful people. What do I hate about it? The customers, of course!

We have a gentleman come in with his son, probably 11-13 years old, to trade in some GameBoy Advance games. I begin the transaction.

"What's this I hear about him getting extra money towards his trade if he masters the game?"

I smiled at this ludicrous question happily and said "Oh! Do you mean the Edge card? If you get one today, you only pay $14.99 to get a year's subscription to Game Informer, and with your Edge card you get 10% more towards store credit when you trade in games, and 10% off your purchase when you buy pre-owned games." That's really not that hard of a concept to grasp, right? WRONG.

"But he beat the game, shouldn't he get extra money off? I mean, how am I supposed to spend $26.00 on a game and then only get $5.00 for a trade in? That's not fair."

By this point I'm considering the two ways this conversation could head: He could either a) start yelling at me about how it's total bullshit that game store rip their customers off with trade ins, or b) his feeble mind might actually grasp the concept of capitalism and shut the fuck up about it already.

He chose B, thank God! He finally said "Well, at least I only have to put 5 bucks towards this new game."

Mind you, the entire time this conversation is occurring, his son is beet-red and has his eyes glued to the ground. That poor kid - it must suck being that asshole's wife.

Sidenote: Yes, gamestop fucks you over with their trade ins. This is how they make money. I don't like it either, but it's a bigass corporation. Just shut up and deal with it or buy video games from some mom-and-pop shop in your hometown. I'm not responsible for their shitty policies, I just have to get paid minimum wage to uphold them. Kay? Thanks!

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Now for our regularly scheduled blogpost....

So you definitely learn something new everyday; I learned how weaves are done this weekend.

My buddy Hernandez is a sailor, and is basically a secretary for our medical office. She's black and dominican and has stereotypical "nappy locks" as she calls it. I finally asked her about how/where/when she gets her done, how long she leaves it in, when does she wash it and how often, etc. She has the mouth of a motorboat (i.e., talks REALLY fast) so she told me all of the information I needed to know in about fifteen minutes. Apparently we're going to watch Good Hair next drill weekend, haha. She also took me to a hair shop to show what kind of products she uses (I've already been to one, as I own some fake buns of my own for when I grow out my hair - I keep it short right now). It was quite the learning experience but she proceeded to laugh her ass off at me at my admitting to never knowing any of this stuff.

"Did you like, not grow up around black people or something?"

"Not really, I hung out with all kinds of people - I just never thought to ask. I thought that hair is real?"

She snorted with laughter at my naivetry. So now I know - and knowing is half the battle!

Fat Marines? Where?!

So, the Marine Corps has standards? Yes it does.

As a Marine, I am expected to uphold said standards. These include but are not limited to: conduct (on and off duty), physical fitness, appearance, professionalism, etc.

Basically, I need to behave myself and be a good little trooper.

The 2008-2009 school year was a bad year for me, I came off active duty (straight from Camp Lejeune, North Currrolina!) in July of 08 in a frenzied state of confusion - I didn't know where I was going, what I was going to do next and why I felt the way I did. I also ended up having a string of bad relationships/dates/experiences with men - mostly weird men from jdate.

I digress.

I ended up gaining 30 pounds, and it showed quite well when I was tipping the scale at a whopping 193 by July of 09. I'm only 5 foot 6, and I'm a pretty muscular chick, but you could still tell how meaty I was getting. This past weekend, I was put on the Body Composition Program because I was 33 pounds over my weight max. I spent some time on active duty at my unit for a month in August, and I found that them hassling me on a daily basis did not help, at all.

I show up for drill a month later, and 10 pounds lighter. I show up in October another 3-4 pounds lighter, and in November, another 8 pounds lighter. About 20 pounds in the course of 12 weeks.

BCP is not fun, and it is not good for your career. Thankfully for me I'm not really planning on staying in the Marine Corps for the rest of my life - 12 years max (2 reserve enlistments) is all I can handle. At the same time, though, this blows because I ate myself into trouble and now I have to exercise myself out of it. It's working, and being 20 pounds lighter means its easier for me to perform a Physical Fitness Test better, and get my tubby butt back in shape. It's not easy, but I'm working on it. I have another 25 pounds to go (150 pounds) until I'm at the weight I'd like to be.

I've had weight issues my whole life - but who hasn't? I'm not kidding here when I tell you that my mother used to tell me, as a 12 year old, that I needed to lose 30 pounds (I was probably 10-15 pounds overweight as a teenager...not thin, but definitely not obese) and that I needed to "Stop eating so much". I've come to realize as an adult that she was dealing with her own shitty self-esteem from my father leaving her, and she was projecting these angry feelings onto my brothers and me. I've recognized this, but I still haven't forgiven her for it. I'm working on it.

Like I said, the weight's coming off - it's not easy but I'm doing it. So don't always think that Marines are constantly in tip-top shape. There's twiggies and fatties everywhere you go.


On a side note: Both of the Rabbi-Chaplains at my unit have transferred out and now we have a Christian chaplain. FUCK! I don't want to talk about Jesus, man!

This Religiously-Inquisitive blog

is a wonderful ventilation for me. I just want those of you that give me constant feedback and support to know that I appreciate you reading my rants and answering my questions.

Yes, I'm bitchy, but there's a sweetheart in here somewhere.

A Christmas Story

My mom, as we all know, is a little nuts. She kept getting freaking MARRIED, and finally finished her marriage streak with my dad, thank God.

My dad, as we all know, is not jewish. Actually, I'm pretty sure he's about as much of a closet anti-semite as you can get. Too bad he married a jewish girl and all his kids are jews. Who's got the last laugh now, clown?

When he married my step-mother, all would be well in the world, right? Sure, for a time. She's cool, so don't get me wrong,I have a blast with her.

My life choices seem to bother them, a lot.

Point in case, every time I mention something I'm reading or studying, my dad will say "So is that jewish?" Yeah, ass.

Every year, they have a big christmas party. My step-mom's family comes over and they are all pretending to be happy to see eachother for a few hours. It's just what they do. I really wish they didn't. Actually, I'd love to be the outcast and just throw a party of my own and only invite the people I actually want to have there. That would mean only inviting my two favorite step-cousins and my brothers, and nixing out the other 60 or so [I'm not kidding] annoying assholes that show up every year. Merry Christmas!

Now what on earth am I supposed to do when I bring my kids there someday and I'm like "Yeah umm...we're not going to be to do anything on christmas really, except probably watching TV or going out to the movies." Then everyone's Jewdar goes flying off the charts.

I can see it now, imagine we're in a secret laboratory and the alarm is set off:

"JEW JEW JEW!"

Sirens scream out as the PA comes on "Jew alert, Jew sited, convert on contact."

So what am I supposed to do with a room full of catholics and the boy and I are the lone (practicing) Jews in the house? Definitely an FML moment.

Am I sinning or something by attending my parents' cheesy Christmas party?

I love to mess with people

So I was thinking today about my linguistic adventures over the years. I've taken stabs at learning:

-Spanish (which I'm moderately conversational)
-French
-German
-Chinese
-Japanese
-Romanian
-Greek
-Russian
-Hebrew

I've settled on wanting to learn Russian and Hebrew in the future. I'm working on it now.

Of course I had to pick two REALLY HARD languages.

While I was thinking about that, I also remembered my fun from New Year's Eve 2008 when I came home for Holiday Leave. I was out with two girlfriends of mine and there was this (really cheesy) local TV show walking around talking to people. My friend and I got caught in the mess of it and he started talking to us, so we pretended I was a Russian immigrant named Olya.

"Where are you from?" I just smiled at him and said "Hello! Nice to meet you!" In a really bad Russian accent. I was dating one at the time so I thought I had it alllll figured out. Jessica then turned to the man and said "This is my friend Olya, she's from Russia." and he looks at me and goes "Can you speak English?" and I looked at him blankly and said "My English ehhh not so good...." This guy was totally buying it; Story of my life.

He finally asked me to say "Happy New Year" in Russian and I'm thinking to myself...fuck. I don't know that crap. So I just said "bitch judas", which was from a Seryoga song.

I managed to babble out textbook-versions of saying "hello", "thank you" and "it's time to go". We waited until we got to the end of the block to begin howling with laughter.

I know what I said wasn't exactly conversational due to my boyfriend calling me later on from Iraq and correcting my terrible pronunciation. I followed his scolding with a goofy Russian accent comment and bad English pronunciation, which shut him up.

Parting shot:

Have you ever done anything similar to this, i.e., lied to a complete stranger just for fun, knowing that you'll never see them again? What did you tell them and where did this occur?

I do it all the time in airports, train stations and the like. It's terrible, and I'm a bad person for it. :)

It's my party, and I'll expletive if I want to.

Fuck. Shit. Piss.

Sends a chill of "ugh" down your spine, right? Me too!



Only sometimes.




I curse, and I do it often. I'm not ashamed of it. I can even (sadly) boast of doing it in front of a rebbetzin once, but that's really because I stubbed my toe and didn't realize that she could hear me. She proceeded to scold me and yank on my earlobe. I was 20 at the time - but I deserved it.



Anyways, I was over at frumsatire and there was a commenter on the "Is Goy an offensive term?" post talking about how those of us that curse should be ashamed of ourselves. I can understand the logic behind this, and the resistance to using such language; Those who use it can be seen as less intelligent, barbaric, immature, insert more adjectives here.....But what about when someone realizes the potential hilarity in using this language sometimes? Curse words - when used in the right context - can add some flair to a sentence.


For example, here's a date explanation when I pretend to be a nice girl:


"The date with the doctor was horrible. He smelled bad, is racist, and has the most unpleasant laugh!"


What I really said:


"This asshole needs to be sent to the tool academy. He has BO, is a racist dickweed that kept talking about the shvartze's he treats in the ER, and truly laughs like an ass. I don't give a shit how much money he makes, he's a shmuck."



The second phrasing of this sentence is much more potent, no? You are more likely to see my distaste for this gentleman by hearing me slip a few swear words in there.



I actually got set up with that one from a friend-of-a-friend situation, so I could easily keep them from trying to persuade me to have a second date. I tell them he's an asshole, and they get the picture. I can say I didn't have a very nice time, and there may be a chance of hearing the "Oh, well, maybe you should go out again and see!" Yeah, fuck that.



Furthermore, there comes a time when cursing is seriously not appropriate for use at any time. Shul, wedding receptions, family dinners, and other situations where you might be hanging around old people that you have a lot of respect for. I rarely, if ever, curse in front of my parents. That's another "relative" case, where if it's deemed necessary then I can. My father, despite his having a rough-and-tough Marine for a daughter, does not tolerate f-bombs coming out of my mouth.

Speaking of Marines - they are well-known for their potty mouths. I think in those situations it really IS due to them not having anything more intelligent to say. I've actually heard this come out of a Marine's mouth:

"Man, fuck this. This fucking stupid fucking shit is fucking fucked, we're all fucked, this whole fucking thing is fucking stupid bullshit."

Needless to say, this guy is still rotting away on restriction (google it).

One must also take into account those (in my world) rare situations when you're with someone who simply can't stand to hear cursewords. Yes, I just contradicted myself, but sometimes I'm not a total bitch. I can keep the colorful language saved for when I'm around my linguistically loose friends.



In closing, dear reader, sometimes it's appropriate to be inappropriate - so just revel in your naughtiness and let that silver tongue run amuck.

What do you think?